


It’s Just A Kiss . . . Right?

by orphan_account



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: But There’s Not Really Any Christmas In This One, Christmas oneshot, Costume Day Fix-It, Fix-It Oneshot, M/M, Sad boi hours, There Are Two Parts, Tj’s Mom is accepting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:55:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21921790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: when tj and cyrus make up and become a couple under the moonlight at the swing set, what happens when tj invites him to his christmas family gathering they find themselves under the mistletoe?
Relationships: Cyrus Goodman & T. J. Kippen, Cyrus Goodman/T. J. Kippen, T. J. Kippen & T. J. Kippen's Mother
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> pretend costume day happened around christmas time.

when tj and cyrus make up and become a couple under the moonlight at the swing set, what happens when tj invites him to his christmas family gathering they find themselves under the mistletoe? 

pretend costume day happened around christmas time.

Tj's Mother's POV

"Hey, Mom . . . can we talk?" Tj's voice rings through the kitchen as I'm getting dinner ready. Tj hasn't been open with me lately, so I will take any opportunity to have a conversation with him that would let him crack his shell.

It used to be bad. A year ago I didn't even know who he was. He just seemed like a person that lived with us, a frown always ghosting his face. Whenever I would ask about school, he would automatically shut down while saying okay with a fake smile. 

He would never talk about friends. He would never talk about sports. We would never talk about academics. He would just stand there. 

He was like a ticking time bomb, about the explode at any moment. He was always angry at himself, but I never knew why.

But it was halfway through 7th grade, and I started to see him smile. I saw him laugh and not struggle as much with academics and be happy. I never knew that side of him at the time and It made me so happy to see his breath.

He was always holding his breath, never breathing. But now he was happy.

Until one day he ran into the house crying, and ran upstairs, the slam of his bedroom door shaking our small house. I had never seen him so sad before then. 

And that's how he was ever since, and It breaks my heart. Why would someone so happy get so . . . shattered? 

I still remember his bad jokes, or his laugh, or his smile that seemed to take him over around one of his new friends Cyrus. 

Wait.

One of his new friends Cyrus.

"What's up?" From experience, I know what to do in these situations learning from a combination of Tj and Amber. 

"I've needed to tell you something. I've actually put this off for a while and that's r-really bad." He seemed to be shaking, a tear rolling down one of his cheeks. He looks so scared. I know not to say anything right now, so I look at him with sympathetic eyes.

"You know my friend um . . . Cyrus right?" He asks, a sad smile sneaking its way onto his face. I would know that look from anywhere, but I didn't pay attention to it. The thought didn't cross my mind.

"Yeah. Isn't he the short brunette, one you bring over a lot?" I ask to make sure I was correct, knowing I already was. I'll never forget how happy he was around him, and the happiness seemed to be reciprocated.

"Something happened between us and" he pauses to take a deep breath "it's all my fault. Everything that happened." I've never seen him so . . . 

I can't find out the word.

Ashamed? 

I let him continue talking, knowing that's what he wants before he chickens out and starts talking about something else.

"Remember costume day and how Cyrus and I were supposed to go as a duo? We were doing an inside joke." He asks, shuffling on the stool he was sitting on at the counter. I nod, not knowing where this could go. 

"Tj your scaring me." And it's true. All of it is true. Something clearly horrible happened between them, and all I want is to be normal with them friends again.

But people who were just friends wouldn't get heartbroken by something like this. It sounded like such a simple problem that did so much damage it could harm someone like Tj and Cyrus so bad — even if it's just a miscommunication.

"I'm scaring me too. I've never done this before." And that confirms one of my theories. He's opening up like never before. He hasn't cried in front of me since he was 10 and that itself was making me sad and happy at the same time. I had to hold back tears. 

He sighs before explaining again. "Well, before we planned it, I was talking to this girl Kira I had just met before we ran into Cyrus. Of course, it was Cyrus! I was happy to see him and I completely ditched Kira to spend time with him." There's a certain aggressiveness with his words like he's angry at himself for doing something.

"We planned our costume, and after I spend like two to three hours with him we split. After a while, I ran into Kira again."

"We go to the same school and she asked me if we wanted to do a costume related to basketball or something, and I said I'm doing one with Cyrus. And then she was like 'So you'd rather do a costume with Cyrus then with me'" He paused again, by this time to collect his thoughts. 

Was she implying something?

Something that somehow offended Tj?

He finished my thought with an answer. "She implied something about us — or a statement. People always say that duo costumes are couples' costumes." He can't even say it and that makes me feel horrible. I would be stupid to not know where this conversation is going at this point, and I'm the first person to know. 

"I'm scaring me too, I haven't done this before."

"She was basically implying 'so you would rather do a costume with a boy then a girl.' And she wasn't wrong. I would to my costume with Cyrus over the lame T-shirts I did with Kira any day. And I was so close — so freaking close — to actually accepting this part of me. But it was all gone at that moment. I just sat on that bench while she walked away."

I know what's coming up next. He liked him. He clearly liked him a lot of he's crying about it. And the sad thing is that it wasn't even his fault. Internalized homophobia is an issue, and It sounds like that's something he has.

"Later that night I was just so afraid of being judged I called her and we did the costume together. I never texted Cyrus saying that I bailed, so he showed up in his. I haven't seen him since" I want to say something. I want to talk to him.

"Tj do you like Cyrus?" he looks up, and I see tears rushing down his cheeks, his hands on his head as he slowly shook his head with a sad smile.

"I think I might love him." If it was a year ago, I don't think he would be capable of loving someone. But he got so happy after meeting him I would think anything is possible. And if that means making them makeup, I would believe and do anything.

And I don't hesitate to pull him into a hug, hug arms squeezing me so hard I might choke. But I don't care because I want to help him.

I need to help him.

Tj's POV

47 messages. 23 calls. 17 voice messages. That's how many times I've called, texted, and left a voicemail. He hasn't looked at any of them, and that makes my heart ache for anything that would give me happiness.

Sure, coming out to my Mom made that easier, but she knows no boundaries. I know she's going to try and do something to help. But before I do anything about that, I want to go outside before I get kicked out of my home to 'feel cold, look at a bird'.

But it seems to be everyone's favorite time of year. It's December 23, and all I feel is heartbreak. Or whatever this is called. My first time going through this shit.

My point is that everyone's life is lit up with color right now. December Christmas lights on every porch, snow dusting everyone's front lawns, and children excited to do anything with their family, even if it's going to the bank.

But my life is in monotone. The color is blocked out, and I can't see anything happily lit up or children's cheery smiles. My world is sad while theirs is happy. 

My world is black and while theirs is lit and cheery.

I'm wearing black ripped jeans and a pink hoodie with some black converse, hoping that works as an outfit. I ever wear coats in the winter. Sure, my mom yells at me about it, but I don't care.

I hear my mom yelling about a coat from another room, and I smirk to myself. My mother and I have always been close considering that my father got put in jail after abusing us, so we've been able to share anything with each other.

That's probably why coming out to her was so easy.

But how do I tell Cyrus? How do I tell my family who is most conservative? My boss at the gym? The kids at the gym? Where do I even start?

I find myself walking towards the swings, where it all started. Sitting down on the left swing, I find myself sitting there for a while. There's one moment I play on a loop in my head though, there's one moment that happened right here. When I realized I like him.

"You can be annoying, you know that?" 

"Well you can be oblivious" 

"Well you can be judgy"

"You know what else you are?"

"What."

"The only person I can talk to like this."

Why didn't I just kiss him then when our faces were so close and I could count every microscopic freckle on his face? Why did I not just get the heartbreak out of the way?

I can remember everything though, and I won't stop thinking about it anytime soon. Cyrus is the most important person to me, and even if it causes me heartbreak to see him walking in the halls, I'll have to deal with that.

But something else echos in my head. Many things.

"You still haven't apologized"

"Why didn't you call?"

"What did you do?"

"What did you do?" 

"What did you—

I just wish I could apologize, but I don't get that luxury. People always push people away when they are in my position, but I only have that moment on loop in my head playing over and over like your favorite song on repeat, making me want to see him even more.

I just want everything to stop.

Please, make it stop.

Let me feel nothing.

Let me feel nothing.

And at this point I'm crying, my request not being followed. Thanks for nothing, universe.

• • •

It was now around 10:00, and I didn't mind that I was probably going to get grounded. Streetlights illuminated the streets of Shadyside as Tj was still sitting on a swing, not knowing what exactly to do.

But I see a figure in the distance walking towards me though, and I start to gather my things hoping they won't see my red puffy eyes and ask me what's wrong.

The figure comes closer towards me though, and I can start to make out who they are. They have brown hair and are wearing a polo with a coat and navy blue jeans with white converse.

Wait.

Cyrus wears polos and jeans, had those same converse, and has brown hair.

As he gets closer, I see that his hair looks like a mess, he isn't smiling like usual, his posture low instead of facing up, and his eyes are red. It makes me upset to think that I could have done this much damage to both of us.

I really need to apologize, to talk to him, to see him smile again, to see him laugh again, to be friends with him again. 

But then he stops in his tracks and stares at me, and I stare back. The world comes to its senses, and Cyrus starts to walk towards me. It's like we're to magnets, and the spark between us is bringing us together.

I don't remember who hugs who first, but I feel his arms wrap around my neck, his warm breath on my shoulder as my heartbeat beats in sync with his as I feel his against his chest. I guess I make his heartbeat fast too.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Cyrus says, his voice muffled. He buries his face deeper into my shoulder, and somehow gets closer to me. A tear rolls down my cheek, and I think he might be crying too. I can't tell.

"Hey, you didn't do anything. I should be the one who's apologizing. I bailed on costume day, and it wasn't the right thing to do in the situation I was in." I say rubbing circles on his back. 

"I was curious about that." He mummers into my shoulder. "But you don't have to tell me about it." He adds. I trust him enough to though. I'm ready.

"No, I want to tell you why. I just want you to promise to not tell anyone, and that you promise not to hate me." Cyrus was raised in a religious family, and he might not accept me.

"Tj I could never hate you." He says, lifting his head from my shoulder, looking into each other's eyes. His deep chocolate eyes never fail to take me in, and I have to pull myself out to not get lost.

"I um . . . I never wanted to do the costume with Kira. I never would. It's just . . . when I told her I was doing a costume with you, she said something — implied something that really affected me. And it wasn't that I didn't want to get made fun of, o-or didn't approve of it it's just—"

"Hey, it's okay. Take deep breaths, okay?" Cyrus was easier by four therapists, so it's easy for him to calm someone down. He would always say 'those are my four shrink parents' and I would find it funny every time.

"She said 'so you would rather do a costume with Cyrus than me?' And she was basically implying I would rather do a costume with a boy than a girl. But I got so triggered by it because it's true. All of it was true." At this point, I didn't care if we didn't have a fairytale ending. I'm so caught up in confessing that I didn't notice Cyrus leaning forward.

But it gets so hard to look someone in the eye and confess something so personal. Sometimes you just shut down. Sometimes you just burst into tears. And that's what I did. My heartbeat wouldn't go back to normal, Cyrus was still standing there though, waiting for me to finish, being patient.

I could never do that.

"Hey, I get it. And I would never judge you for it. In fact, I would be a hypocrite if I did. I know what you're going through right now, and it's okay. You are still you." I can't believe I ever thought that I didn't think he wouldn't understand. But with my fingers still on his chin, and me still staring into my eyes, I feel myself leaning forward.

And then he's kissing me, and I'm kissing him, and I don't know who kissed who first, but that doesn't matter to me. He tilts his head to kiss me deeper and moves his arms around my neck, and I move mine around his waist. It feels like the world is on its knees before us, and everything around us is fading away like we're the only thing that matters.

I don't remember when I thought I was straight.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second and Final part of the series

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to inform you that both Tj and Cyrus get bonners.

Tj's POV

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐'𝘮 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘵𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘬, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘴𝘵. 𝘐𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴.

𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺.

I'm walking home, but that moment is music to my ears, my favorite dream, my favorite memory even though it only happened just a few moments ago. Moonlight and streetlights help me find my way home, but the walk feels like a maze. I don't really want to leave though.

I kind of want tonight to last forever, what feels like a fresh start. I want to stay like this forever before everything starts to fall apart again. I want to feel like this every day, this newfound confidence, my smile that won't seem to budge would give away that something definitely happened. 

But the cool crisp weather seeps through my thin hoodie, and I start to regret not bringing a coat as my mom told me to. I start to walk the route to my home, knowing I'm probably grounded for staying out so late. It's around 12:00, which means it's officially Christmas Eve.

Not many people on my street have Christmas lights up, but I hung some up that I found for 10 dollars at Walgreens on sale. Half of them don't work, but the fact I put effort into trying makes me feel good every time I see them dangling with the support of nails.

I walk up to my porch stairs, and the jingle of my house keys fills the silence of the neighborhood at midnight. I open the door and the warm glow of the kitchen fills the house as I hear The Politician play from upstairs, most likely from my mother's tv in her room.

Sometimes she'll fall asleep to her favorite shows, and I don't blame her. Being a single mother must be exhausting, and I don't even know what she goes through being my parent on a day to day basis. I slip through my house, quietly walking up the stairs in the hope of not wake her up.

But of course, she had to be awake. She was curled in a cocoon of soft blankets on her bed, the only light in her room is the soft glow of the tv reflecting off her face and the yellow fairy lights she taped to her headboard. Her hair is tied in a messy bun, and she's in a soft t-shirt, probably about to fall asleep knowing my mother.

My mother had me when she just turned 15, sadly being raped and the person who is supposedly my father not knowing that I exist. Something that upsets me every day is that I look at myself in the mirror and see that I don't look like my mother at all. My mother still looks very youthful (only being 29), but she looks nothing like me. Her hair is long and a dark shade of brown, eyes are a light shade of blue, and very short.

Obviously, I don't look like that at all. My feet just barely graze the floor witch each step I take, but I'm afraid the squeak the wood makes with every step I take might catch my Mom's attention. I'm almost to my room when she walks out of her room, still wrapped in blankets.

"Nice try bud, but I caught you. You got home at 12:00 and left at I don't even know when. Early. That's my point." I love how my mother doesn't even care that I went out, she just wants to make fun of the situation, but still, take the opportunity to act like a better parent and try to get me to open up. 

I go along with it because it makes her feel good about herself.

"Yeah, yeah you caught me." My smile won't budge, and when she notices it, her eyes go wide, and a smirk finds its way to her face. "What?" At this point, she already found out that something was up. I haven't been smiling for a while, but now I had been miraculously happy in a matter of seconds.

"Something happened. Something big and good happened." Her smirk grew larger like she had something on the tip of her tongue she wanted to taught me with, but she was a little too polite to do that. "Something happened with Cyrus, am I correct?" At this point, she's smiling for me. Sometimes she'll act as an older sister for me, and I'm okay with that. My relationship with my mom is unique.

"Okay, fine something happened with Cyrus. Happy?" Her smile somehow grew wider than mine, and I have no idea why she's so happy for me. She runs up to me to give me a hug, her arms squeezing me so hard I can barely breathe. I try to choke out that I need to breath, and my mom gets the hint so she pulls away.

"Details!" And at this point, I'm walking towards my room, desperate to get out of this situation. "At least invite him to Christmas Eve tomorrow?" She says walking towards me. She kind of reminds me of Bex. Bex has always been super cool and I go to her with all my Cyrus problems. We're pretty close.

"He's Jewish mom." I saw through my almost shut door. This is fun, and I should have got closer to her sooner. I don't know what was preventing me from doing that. I don't know why I was so stubborn, or why I was such a dick. "I'll try." And it probably comes out muffled behind my now closed door, but I think she gets the idea. I hear her feet patter across the hallway, and then her door softly closes making a 'click' sound.

I pull out my phone and see a picture of Cyrus as my background and smile. It was one I snook in of him sleep at a movie night his friends invited me to. I never hovered to take it down while we were arguing, and I don't think I ever want to. That background was getting rid of the last way I could see him, and I didn't want to move on. I wasn't ready, and I don't think I'll ever be if whatever we have goes south. 

I put in the code for my phone, and it unlocks. I go to messages and see that I have one missed message from Cyrus Goodman. Before I reply, I go to edit his contact, and I want to put a heart that says 'muffin'. That would be pretty cute. 

muffin❤️: you still up? sent at 12:08

you: yeah sent at 12:34

muffin❤️: thank god sent at 12:09

you: my mom wanted you to come over for christmas eve tomorrow, wanna come? sent at 12:09

muffin❤️: sure, but i'm jewish. sent at 12:10

you: i don't mind sent at 12:10

And life really seems to be on my side right now, and I'm really enjoying that. I don't pay attention to the fact that something could go wrong tomorrow, and only at the fact that it feels so good to be happy again. These last two weeks have sucked, but I'm finally happy again, finally myself again.

Thank you, universe.

• • •

Christmas music blasts through the speakers as people dance or stand in my living or kitchen. The room is cramped together, and it's hot. Really hot. Cyrus hasn't arrived yet, but I want an opportunity to talk to him privately. We never had an opportunity to really talk about what happened yesterday night, and I got a gift for him (even though he doesn't celebrate Christmas). 

Glasses click-clack together, heels stomp on the floor, at least five champagne bottles have been popped, but all my surroundings blur together I sit on my living room couch, feel suffocated. There are too many people, but since I'm the 'host', I can't leave the room according to my mom. 

Of course, she allows me leaving with Cyrus (she definitely wants me to), but I don't want her all up in my business like she usually is. I think it's because of the fact that I never told her things until I met Cyrus, and she wants to know more about my life. I don't blame her though, I would probably be the same myself.

The door opens letting a cool whiff of air into my heated house, sending shivers down my spine. I go to the kitchen to get some egg nog before it all gets spiked with some type of alcohol my Mom got at our local alcohol she got earlier. I remember her taking an hour due to traffic. I feel warm arms wrap around my waist from behind, their breath warm on my neck.

"Guess who?" They whisper, my heart beating. Blood rushes up to my cheeks, and I can feel their eyelashes flutter against my hot skin. Obviously, I already know it's Cyrus, or else I wouldn't be reacting like this. I lean into his arms, his embrace getting tighter.

"A muffin loving boy who hates sports and needs to talk to me because I want to ask him something." He presses a small kiss to my neck before letting me go, leaving me wanting more. He turns me around, and he looks really cute. Like cuter than cute. Not even cute. Just wow.

He's wearing a red turtleneck with a suit jacket and jeans tucked under a pair of what look like new Doc Martins. I feel underdressed in a white button-down with long sleeves with navy blue jeans I cuffed with one of my pairs of converse. I was tempted to add my hoodie that says 'this is my ugly Christmas hoodie', but my mom didn't allow it.

I led him upstairs to my room, and I closed the door behind me. My room is kind of cluttered with pieces of crumpled up papers and piles of old records from my Great Grandfather scattered across the room. My bed isn't made, the pillows and comforter rustled and bunches up in different areas. Besides that, my room isn't too bad. I have a typical teenage room — everything on a budget except my bed, dresser, and desk.

"This your room?" Cyrus asks, his eyes skimming my room. His eyes dart to my record collection, and then he says "Cool collection. It looks like you have everything." And I do pretty much have everything. I've been collecting records since I was nine, and every year under the tree or in the hands of cousins on my birthday I would find wrapped records of every genre.

"Wait what did you want to ask me?" He looks up at me, but every time I see him, I'm speechless. He's just so beautiful I can't take my eyes off him. If there were hundreds of people in one room, Cyrus would still be the only thing I would be looking at. He looks confident and happy and like he's in a new light. 

I just don't know what word to use.

Hot?

That just makes me feel weird.

"Well clearly, we've been trying — well, doing — something new." I start, and he nods with a smile, probably knowing what's coming up. We made it clear we both liked (maybe loved) each other, so he definitely knew I wasn't breaking whatever we have going on-off. I walk closer to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, swaying a little bit with a huge smile on my face as he wraps his arms around my neck. "And I noticed that I did something." 

"Tj Kippen, are you trying to ask me something?" He flirts, and my smile somehow gets wider. Cyrus should flirt with me more often because we've already done stuff like this but I can feel my cheeks burn, and he probably likes my reaction — judging by his smile getting wider.

"Yeah, yeah I am. Cyrus Goodman, will you do me the honor of going out with me and maybe being my boyfriend?" He stands on his tip-toes to get to my head level. I remember the first time I stared into his eye in 7th grade, and he was so small. Now he's just about 5 inches shorter. 

"Yes." He brings his lips to mine (which I've wanted to do all night), but this time I taste a mix of vanilla chapstick and the minty toothpaste he uses. Last time, the kiss was generally short, but now there's an electric spark between us, and when we break for the air we dive right back in. It's like we're making up for all the longing looks, subtle touches, and an infinite list of things that I could go on and on about for ages.

There's an adrenaline pumping through me, and I never really thought I would be basically making out with Cyrus Goodman until right now. My tongue grazes his bottom lip, and he opens his mouth a little bit wider so I can slip it in. I just had my first kiss yesterday, but now I seem so good at it. I could do this for ages and I wouldn't mind at all. I'm fact — I would quite enjoy it.

But then the door swings open, and we instantly rip apart, a string of saliva between our lips. At that point, we were kissing for at least five minutes, and the fact it could be any of my family members outside my door scares me. My heart isn't racing due to excitement anymore, it's due to shock.

I turn my head to see my mom in the entryway, and I let out a breath of relief — her already knowing we had something going on. "I knew it! I would allow this any other time because frankly — I don't care. But please not now because it's my Christmas party and I just saw you clearly make out. And also, you both have a situation I'll let you two fix. Have fun bye!" She rushed because last few sentences, and I start laughing, still being practically attached to Cyrus.

Cyrus looks down, and his eyes widen. "Uh Teej, your mom was right — we both have a situation. A very bad situation." I look down to see why my pants felt tighter than earlier. This was bad. This was really bad. The fact that I was only 14 kept replaying in my head, and it really hurt. 

(A/N: author here, sorry for sexualizing Tj and Cyrus (unless your into that stuff), but I felt like I had to have a boner situation in one of my one-shots eventually. They're going through puberty and I felt it would be not so realistic if they didn't have them at this point in what they were doing because they were really going at it. Don't worry — it doesn't go past this point.)

"Shit," I mumble. I wasn't expecting this. I wasn't expecting this at all. Will I get a boner every time I make out with Cyrus? We aren't even ready for this stuff. How do I even fix this? Was I supposed to . . . nonnononono. I'm not doing that. I'm 14, and it's just . . . not today.

"So do we ask google what to do or cover them up and fix them when we're alone?" Cyrus asks, and I kind of think it's funny how Cyrus can approach a serious conversation and make it seem so light-hearted with one joke about google that actually seems like a good idea now that I think about it.

"Google. I don't want to feel like this . . . down there . . . for the rest of the night." He says, and I agree. We both pull out our phones and google how to get rid of a boner, and click WikiHow, hoping that will help. They say that thinking about Un-attractive things helps, so we talk about trying that and it worked for me. I look over at Cyrus, and I think he's thinking about his 'four shrink parents' or banana nut muffins. It's kind of working because the bulge isn't really there anymore.

"Haha! It worked! Banana nut muffins aren't an attractive thing." He says, and I try not to pull a smug smile knowing what scars Cyrus. It's funny that I know things like that about him. It's like I know him like the back of my hand. We open the door and walk down the steps, everyone minding their own business but Tj's mom who winks at both of us, but sees something about us.

"Hey, guys! Mistletoe!" Someone yells behind her, and we both look up to see it hung in its glory. The room goes silent, everyone's stares burning into us. This can't be happening. I'm getting outed on the spot, and we were just making it official before the . . . thing . . . happened. But then we're staring at each other, kind of having a conversation with our eyes. I feel like he wants to go for it, but it's not his family. I would be coming out to at least 50 people.

"It's just a kiss . . . right?" And everyone's eyes go wide. Neither of us knew what to do in this situation, and it looks like we're heading down the 'we're not together but we're gonna kiss anyway' path. If this were just a few family members and their kids, this would be fine. But practically my whole family is here, and I'm not ready to come out. It's kind of like I'm being outed, but it's not on purpose. 

But this is awkward. Very awkward. I feel sweat trickle my forehead, the people around me still staring. Cyrus looks like he had seen a ghost, and even though may seem like a therapist — he's not. He looks like a lost lamb, he no clues what to do. He looks at me for something, anything but nothing comes. 

I get it over with, putting my hands on his cheeks and bring his face towards mine to give it a kiss. This one was short and sweet, and definitely won't have the same outcome as earlier, but the spark is still there. I pull away, and Cyrus gives me a supportive smile, taking a glance around the room. There was a mix of smiles there, but my family is a mostly conservative witch is bad.

Really bad.

There is still a mix of frowns and shocked faces — even some that are just still and unreadable. Neither of us knows what to do or say and it doesn't look like they know too. I take my hands off his cheeks and hold his hand. He squeezes it, and I can tell it's a squeeze for support, knowing that he's there to help.

"Cyrus and I have been a thing since yesterday. Unless you weren't in the kitchen earlier — it should have been obvious." But then some of the looks in the crowd turn into wide smiles, and I start to have a little bit of a smile finding its way to my face. "Tj are you sure? This must be just a phase." My grandfather comes forward from the crowd, and my heart immediately breaks. 

"No Grandpa, it isn't a phase." My grandfather and I have been so close, but he's always been conservative. I don't think I'll ever get him back, and the thought makes me sick. He was there for me for a while I wanted to know more about my Dad, while I was upset about my Mom working so hard for me (that's when I got the job at the gym), while I needed advice about Cyrus but he thought it was about a girl. He's been there, and I don't want him to ever let go. I need him.

"I mean, I get it's the new thing. But soon you will like girls again, pretty blonde cheerleaders, smart brunettes, the best are—" I can't hear him criticize me anymore, so I cut him off.

"I like boys, Grandpa. Cyrus has been there for me more than anyone else, he's beautiful, and I feel like my best self when around him. We've both been through hell and high waters, by were here now. I don't know what my exact sexuality is — but I'm sure of this." I raise of interlaced hands for him to see. Some people start clapping and whistling, while others start to smile; starting to see that we'll be together either way.

"You will like girls. This is a phase. Just a phase. Don't keep telling yourselves that your faggots. Your not." I feel tears start to swim in my eyes, making them look like glass. One blink at them will be shattered, their broken pieces scattered all over my cheeks. But I'm not the only one that starts to get upset, Cyrus looks like he's about to snap when he uses the f-slur, making this go too far.

"Hello, Tj's Grandfather." At this point, he's let go of my hand and walked down the final step to get closer to him. "I'm Tj's boyfriend, Cyrus. And clearly — we have a lot of talking to do. I'm gay and the fact that you don't except me doesn't really bother me. In fact, I don't care if anyone doesn't except me. But your not just anyone. Your my boyfriend's Grandfather witch makes you ten times more important." He starts waving his hands around and pacing in his rant. It's like he's a completely different person.

"You don't think that I haven't tried girls (Tj doesn't know this), but I have. I tried this girl who was practically made for me. Liked dinosaurs, academics, wasn't really athletic, dorky, we're supposed to be perfect. There was just one difference that I couldn't help. It didn't feel right because she was a girl. Plus I found my best friend much cuter. The day I realize, I'm in the spoon crying to my friend Buffy because it's that hard to not except yourself. I didn't use it, I just wanted to be straight. I think both Tj and I had experienced something along the lines of internalized homophobia at some point. Being afraid of yourself. Not knowing what's happening so you repress it even though its the thing going through your head every living hour."

Woah.

And he obviously wasn't even close to done.

"And then a little around the middle of 7th grade, I met Tj. He helped me get something witch might sound really pathetic but it made me feel really good. We ran into each other on a swing set a few days later, but I felt different around him. Something was obviously happening. The more time I spend around him the more time I feel like myself. Then a situation with a gun came into the picture, and I was heartbroken. After a while of staring each other across the cafeteria or awkwardly standing next to each other in lunch lines thinking that we hated each other, we made up by the swing set again. It was different here though. Very different. We bickered first a minute but then he said: "You know what else you are?" And I said "what" and he said "the only person I can talk to like this" We were basically nose to nose but we didn't do anything about it. But for those couple of seconds, I wanted to kiss him and that's when I definitely knew that was the thing. I liked him. We got really close after that, spending almost every day together until costume day. We made a costume, Kira came along and messed it up because she toyed with Tj's feelings. Now I think this was where Tj found out." 

I love how he's telling the whole story just to prove this isn't a joke. I love how he cares so much. And he isn't doing this for just me, he's doing it for himself. It's like he won't stop.

"We made up yesterday night, but he kissed me. Fast forward to now we're official and want a goddamn break from people like you. So if you could excuse me, you made the person I love to snap and I would like to comfort them. Thank you for listening." And then he's rushing towards me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as we go upstairs.

This one sentence replays in my head.

You made the person I love.

The person I love.

Person I love.

Love.

He loves me, and keep that in mind. We walk into the bathroom, and I finally snap when he locks the door. I wrap my arms around him, with tears running down my cheeks. He doesn't except me. I won't get any of my grandfather's stories about the old days, or fun days out, or anything. If something happens he'll be talking to my mom and then completely ghost me. I don't want that. Cyrus rubs circles into my back and whispers things into my ear. I feel so loved, cared about, safe.

"Hey, Cyrus?" I wanna tell him I love him back. I don't want this to be ignored, because it's the elephant in the room. He mumbles an 'mhm' into my neck, his breath tickling my ear. "I love you too." 

"I said that?" And this is where all the regret flows in. Because he might not love me back. It might all be in my head. I might have just made the most stupid move. I was dumb, and I probably just lost him. "Yeah in your rant. You said you made the person I love the snap, I and I love you too. You don't have to say it back, I just think you deserve to know." His arms tighten around me, and he starts pressing kisses behind my ear. "I love you too."

And all the concerning voices go scold the silent when he says he loves me. Because I don't have anything to be concerned about. Because I love him and he loves me. A knock on the door comes from outside, and then my mother's voice. "I really hope you are not making out right now. I don't wanna see that." That makes us both laugh, and my mom knows it's safe to come in. I unlock the door with my unwrapped hand around Cyrus, and we separate. 

"Well, let's try this again. Hello! I'm Tj's mom. And I'm happy to meet you while your tongues aren't down each other's throats. And I also didn't know it took that much drama and long for you two to get together." I love my mom. She's a really nice and understanding person. I also think she's happy that I have my first boyfriend or whatever.

"It did take like a year didn't it. Uh thanks for not killing me and accepting us. Tonight has been really . . . something." Her smile flatters to a frown, and she wraps her arms around both of us. "I'll talk to him every day is that's what it takes. I'll even visit him. Everything it takes okay?" I smile, and I think Cyrus can tell him happy. I just don't want her talking to him because it's not fair to her

"You shouldn't do that. It's not fair to you." And she shushes next and we're all hugging again. Maybe everything will be okay again. Maybe I won't feel so bad. Maybe Cyrus and I will work out. So what one homophobe tries to break us apart, who cares? And so we're hugging in the bathroom, Christmas music blasting in other rooms. So what?

We don't know the future, but I know what's happening now and that's all that matters.


End file.
